Have you seen Roald Dahl's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?"Watching the movie recently caused me to think about boundaries,and how children desperately need them.
To recap the movie, Willy Wonka is a famous candy maker whoopens his doors to the five lucky children who have found hisGolden Tickets inside chocolate bars. When Charlie and the otherchildren go inside the secluded factory, they see many amazingthings. However, one by one, the children's bad behavior andpersonality flaws (caused by a lack of boundaries) gets theminto trouble.
A boundary is nothing more than a limit. Boundaries forcechildren to develop self-control, abide by rules, and conductthemselves in an orderly way. We tell our children not to touchthe hot stovetop or electrical outlets. These are safety rules.We should also confront our children when they're being rude,disrespectful, selfish, or angry--before things get out of hand.When there are no boundaries, children do whatever they want,whenever they please. It is a downward spiral, as "Charlie inthe Chocolate Factory" shows.
In the movie, the children with winning tickets (except Charlie)were raised by permissive parents who didn't have the heart toset boundaries. Veruca gets whatever she wants by yelling. Mikeis addicted to TV, and his parents don't have the guts to turnit off. Augustus is addicted to food, and has a double chin toprove it. Rounding up the bunch is Violet, who is cut-throatcompetitive about everything from karate-kicking to gumsmacking,. Yes it's fictional, but "Charlie and the ChocolateFactory" a telling tale about the consequences of not settingboundaries for children
As a parent, it isn't easy being the disciplinarian. It's no funconstantly reprimanding our children. Yet this is exactly whatis needed for our children to develop emotional hygiene. As aparent, you are in a position of authority. Take authority overyour child's temper tantrums, refusal to cooperate, eating toomuch junk food, and other misbehavior. Clearly explain what isappropriate and what isn't. Set boundaries and enforce them.
Ultimately, boundaries make children feel safe. From a child'sperspective, life is unpredictable and sometimes overwhelming.When we set limits, children understand what is expected of themsocially, emotionally and physically. When children areconditioned to behave properly, this behavior eventually becomesautomatic and natural. In the long run, your discipline will payoff. Your children will learn what is expected of them and actaccordingly. The best time to start setting boundaries is whenchildren are at least two, three or four years old. Yourboundaries should include simple instructions about safety (suchas "look both ways before you cross the street") and guidelinesfor proper behavior. As toddlers, children can be taught tocontrol their temper, not to throw things, to share their toys,take turns, and so forth.
All children yearn to feel safe. They want to know what'sexpected of them. When we set boundaries, we enable our childrento be happy, emotionally stable and well adjusted. Like Charliein the movie, our children will have the best possible start inlife when we set boundaries and enforce them.
About the author:Nicky Vanvalkenburgh writes about practical coping strategiesfor empowered living. Check out her website athttp://www.20minutestolessstress.com/